Want a truly original way to make a first impression upon your visitors? Try Derek Bernstein’s “cat and dead mouse” door knockers, sold on Etsy:
Thinking about taking your last breaths and wishing there were a method of disposal for your body more interesting than simply being stuck in a coffin and left to decompose in the ground? Well, there are many more interesting options!
1. Life Gems
LifeGem is a company that will take your cremated ashes and turn it into an actual, certified diamond. The company extracts the carbon from your remains, purifies it, and subjects it to intense heat and pressure. The gem can then be mounted on a ring and worn by a loved one forever.
A Swedish company called Promessa Organic will freeze your corpse until it becomes brittle, and then subject it to powerful vibrations that turn it into powder. The powder is then poured into a cornstarch urn, which can be buried and composted in a shallow grave.
3. Buddhist Sky Burial
The hard, rocky ground in Tibet does not serve well for digging graves, and coupled with the region’s many reincarnationist Buddhists who believe that the dead human body is an empty vessel that has no more use, the tradition of sky burial has become quite common in Tibet. If you so prefer, you can have your body dismembered and crushed into a pulp, which is mixed with barley flour, tea, and yak butter. Buddhist monks will then feed your remains to hungry vultures in the desert.
4. Burial in Outer Space
Forget burial in ground or at sea. An American company called Celestis Memorial Space Flights now offers to launch your remains outside the Earth’s stratosphere. Celestis offers four different burial options for your cremated remains: you can orbit the Earth for a while and then crash back onto the surface ($695), you can orbit the Earth permanently ($2495), you can crash onto the surface of the moon ($9995), or you can be launched into deep space ($12,500).
5. Human Taxidermy
Cut decomposition out of the picture entirely. Let your loved ones remember you in death as you were in life. Human Taxidermy Services can stuff and mount your corpse, just like they can do for any pet. Whether you simply want to be lying down ($2000), you want to be giving a military salute ($5000), or even something as novel as the pose of Michelangelo’s “David” statue ($10,000), HTS puts the “fun” back in “funeral”!
Thank you, dear readers, for helping make the Dark Class blog read by an average of 140 unique visitors every day! To celebrate how far the blog has come, here’s the five most popular and well-trafficked blog posts on this website:
#5. Macabre Jokes
Iris Schieferstein: Actually, I’m using the animals like literature uses the fable. They communicate. They have human gestures.
Philipp: Where do all those animals come from?
Iris Schieferstein: It’s all waste products. When I started I collected dead animals from the streets – à la Duchamp. These days I’m bothering the local butchers.
We’re standing next to the head of the cow ‘Kunigunde’ which used to be the most prestigious and award-winning dairy cow of a local farmer. After she died he brought her over to be stuffed. To preserve her memory. Mrs Schieferstein still needs to get the horns fixed.
Here’s all the information you’ll need:
As a part two to my very popular “Attracting Crows and Ravens” post, I would like to draw your attention to a recently released video that documented an astoundingly simple and effective way to attract more corvids to your yard. The person in the video employs a sound recording of crows cawing, which promptly attracts a whole murder of crows to the property. See for yourself: